Ohmygosh, what a wake-up call I had yesterday. I suppose we all have a vision of ourselves and how we look to others. One of the lines in The Dixie Swim Club refers to feeling like 25 inside, but seeing the middle-aged hand picking up the martini glass…that is me to a T! In my mind’s eye, I am tall and slim and young and slim…then, BAM! The camera turns its naked eye on us and we are confronted with the ugly reality. I am overweight, aging, sagging and bulging in all the wrong places. WHAT? Is this what everyone else sees when they look at me? I was in total shock last night when I got my first look at the 138 photos that were taken of us frolicking in the swimming pool yesterday. We are including a slide show as part of our production and, since the characters all met as members of the high school swim team, we thought these photos would be an amusing addition. The shoot was incredible…I am more at home in the water than I am anywhere else. I could swim for hours and be a happy woman. And it was really easy to ignore the camera…I knew photos were being taken, but didn’t really concentrate on the reality of it.
I know I shouldn’t and I apologize to my Dixie swimmates for leaking one of the photos, but this is one of the images of me that had me in shock last night and wasting time this morning trying to deal with it in a mature fashion. I’m trying to come to grips with the fact that I THINK I look like this:
when I really look like this:
Who is that old lady in the pool? Could a face by any rounder?
So, now I just need to spend some time reassuring myself that what is, is…people don’t run from me screaming when they meet me…my doctor tells me I need to lose 5-10lbs (though I feel I need to lose 20-30lbs)…I need to be as kind to myself as I am to my friends. But oh my, oh my…what a wake-up call.