Deciding what or what not to share when blogging is a difficult balance…my blog is my blog and should be about me. But I am a reflection of all those I love and who love me and sometimes it is hard to keep things separate.
I am such a lucky woman (in so very many ways). Although I have had friends and relatives who have died, it has always been far away and a bit unreal. One day they are there, the next day, they are gone. I grew up with a large extended family, many of whom lived close to us. But I have lived far away from family for a million years and have not been in a position to do more than mourn losses from afar.
Now it is time for me and mine to share the end of days for a much-loved member of the family and I am lost. What do we do? Do we stop our lives so we can spend the last days with and lavish loving care on her, whether she knows we are there or not? Do we leave her in the capable hands of the hospice caregivers and visit when we can? What if she lingers? What if she doesn’t? This is a whole new world and it doesn’t look like there are any paths marked “Go this way and all will be right” or “Go that way and you will be sorry”.
We will end up doing what seems to be the right thing to do at the time. But that doesn’t take away the sadness of impending loss.